


Red Ink

by loupgarou1750 (LoupGarou)



Series: Red Ink [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-13
Updated: 2004-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoupGarou/pseuds/loupgarou1750
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry makes a list, Snape checks it twice. No, it's not a Xmas fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Ink

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously inspired by that particular challenge about Harry thinking Snape never actually reads homework assignments

1\. He's ugly.  
_Perhaps you mean striking or distinctive._

2\. He's got a hooked nose. Which takes us back to #1, he's ugly. I've heard it said that men with big noses...  
_To your first point, true, although we prefer to refer to this particular family heirloom as "Roman". To your second point, see my correction on item #1. As for your last point, it's nice to see you get something right for a change._

3\. He has greasy hair. Which also takes us back to #1, he's ugly. Although, maybe, if he washed it... Well, his hair might look better clean, but he'd still be ugly.  
_A person with hair such as yours should not be overly quick in casting stones. Also, I suggest you try spending all day, every day, with imbeciles like Longbottom and see how you look at the end of it._

4\. He's, what was that word? Sallow. That's it, sallow. In other words, he's so pale he looks like a walking corpse. Which takes us back to #1, he's ugly.  
_It's not as if I have the time to spend the day basking in the sun like some insipid Quidditch twit._

5\. His fingers are yellow, which just adds to #1, he's ugly. Of course, just to be fair, he has really nice hands, except they're yellow and ugly. I wonder what they'd feel like... Nevermind. See #1, he's ugly.   
_My hands are nice aren't they? I'm afraid you've hit on my little vanity._

6\. He has yellow, crooked teeth. Which, of course, takes us back to #1, everybody say it with me, "He's ugly."  
_Yes, well, we can't all have Miss Granger's antecedents. Although, I must say it's clear having Muggle dentists for parents didn't help her, did it?_

7\. 1 2 3 4 5 6 = 1 Funny how that works.  
_Funny how that actually adds up to the age you'd have to be before I would even consider giving you what it is increasingly clear you want._

~~8\. He smells nice.~~   
_Your hormones appear to be leaking from your quill._

8\. He's a sarcastic, mean, stupid, horrible git and I hate him.  
_I am a witty, mean, intelligent, sexy git for all the good it will do you. Please see my correction to item number 7. Detention, Mr Potter, once a week until the end of term. Rest assured, there will be no foolish wand waving. Although, in light of the tasks ahead of you (and the youthful exuberance that spawned this missive,) perhaps you would like to take the opportunity provided by these detentions to practice your skills with a teacher who is, after all, a Master in more than Potions._


End file.
